Embracing My 1 in 2.23 Trillion Self
by: ZettaWitch
I’ve always known that I see the world a little differently. I process things in my own way, and as I’ve grown, I’ve come to understand that the parts of myself that felt “different” are actually part of what makes me unique. It turns out, the combination of everything that makes me me is extraordinarily rare—1 in 2.23 trillion, to be exact. Let me break that down.
Nonbinary Identity
Although I use familiar terms like 'male' and 'female' to describe my gender, my experience remains distinctly nonbinary. While I might explain it as 70% male and 30% female, my gender exists outside of the traditional binary. This language is a way to help others understand, but it doesn’t alter the reality that my identity doesn’t fit within the typical male-female framework.
Nonbinary experiences vary from person to person, and this is just one valid representation of mine. Being nonbinary is a core part of who I am, and while society often struggles to grasp the diversity of gender, for me, it’s simply my truth. I’m also LGBTQ+, which adds its own unique joys and challenges, enriching my perspective and the way I connect with the world.
Certified Gifted IQ
Most of my life, I was seen as incompetent by others because I don’t learn the same way neurotypical people do. As an autistic person, I’ve often felt like I didn’t measure up to what others expected, and for a long time, I struggled to believe in my own intelligence. However, after years of therapy and loving support, I’ve come to accept that my way of thinking and making decisions holds real value. Earlier this year, I took the Cattell Culture Fair Intelligence Test (CFIT) and became certified as having an IQ of 135+ (though I had a headache during the test!).
Giftedness is often misunderstood—it doesn’t just mean being “smart.” For me, it’s about seeing patterns, asking endless questions, and constantly searching for deeper understanding. It’s both an advantage and a challenge, especially when the world doesn’t always move at the same pace as my brain. My autism shapes how I process information, and while it may not fit into traditional learning methods, it’s a valid and valuable way of experiencing the world.
Rare Blood Disease (HAE)
I also live with hereditary angioedema (HAE), a rare genetic disorder that causes painful swelling in various parts of my body and could cause asphyxiation. I didn’t start receiving medication for it until my early adult years, and this experience has shaped my relationship with my own body and health, teaching me resilience and patience in ways I never expected.
Autism
I have a strong inclination to always tell the truth—lying just doesn’t make sense to me, and I honestly think it’s foolish when people do it. This need for honesty comes from my desire for clarity and straightforwardness, which influences how I navigate social interactions and solve problems. Autism also heightens my sensitivity to sensory input and emotions, allowing me to focus deeply on the things I love, like creativity and learning.
Spiritual Path
Finally, my spiritual path is steeped in both ancient traditions and modern science. This practice helps me feel connected not only to nature but also to the broader spirituality of humanity. It’s a deeply personal journey that unites ancient beliefs with my own sense of purpose, honoring the interconnectedness of all life and the wisdom that comes from embracing change, chaos, and our ever-evolving understanding of the world we live in.
Not Just a Number
When you add all of these traits together—being LGBTQ+, nonbinary, autistic, gifted, living with HAE, and following my own spiritual path—the chances of someone sharing this combination of identities is incredibly rare. Statistically, there has and will only be one me in the existence of humanity.
But for me, these aren’t just numbers or labels. They are the building blocks of who I am. While some of these aspects come with struggles, they also come with unique strengths. I’ve learned to embrace my differences and lean into the parts of myself that make me stand out. I wouldn’t trade any of it, because together, these pieces create the person I am today.
This journey has never been easy, because the world feels like it wasn’t built for someone like me. But I’ve come to realize that there’s power in being rare. My experiences, my perspective, and my voice all have value. And if my story can help others understand the beauty of diversity—whether it’s gender, neurodiversity, or health—then that’s something I’m proud to share.
If you’ve ever felt like you don’t quite fit into the molds around you, just remember: our uniqueness is what makes us powerful. It’s not about fitting in, but about standing out, embracing who we are, and recognizing that rarity is something to celebrate. And who knows, maybe you’re more rare than you think.